I think that you are my Dad....

A really neat story!

God bless!

Adultery destroys....

Then we have another case that is even harder to face, and is much more of my concern, my pain.

A father who chooses to

• drink and use drugs,
• leaves their family in a desperate financial situation because of his having 'lost the check, the wallet'... whatever...
• cheat on his wife, lies to her, to their friends, to his family about it, and
• moves out a couple of times (telling friends that wife knows about where he is moving to while telling wife he is staying with a friend, implying male, sleeping on his couch, getting storage space for his things, etc).

Wife finds out he is cheating, THEN finds out that no one told her because they thought she knew and was ok with it? Twice!

Cool.

And I am left with deciding when I am going to speak Truth to this young man--in a 'loving way'--when I never see him. Lucky him!

1. All I want to do is ask him a question... You told me once that you treat her like a Queen. Is this what you meant??
2. All I want to say is that I am very disappointed in his choices, as I saw how badly he had been hurt by his parents' choices, how badly my children had been hurt by their father's choices...and how horribly his children are being hurt by HIS choices.

Sin is rampant. Sin spreads. Adultery is Sin, people!

Addiction to alcohol and other drugs, and to gambling or sex kills families. It leaves them devastated, but that devastation can be overcome by Sobriety, and living the 12 Steps. ( Shades of many of our ancestors' very Irish background!!! )

Adultery destroys trust on a level that NOTHING else, including any addiction, does. It is a very difficult thing to overcome.


Perhaps he is treating his wife as a Queen... Henry VIII was a jerk, too.


--
"Divorce tears marriage apart. It desolates both husband and wife. It leaves the children not only in tears but also in misery. We do not deny that there can be serious disagreement between husband and wife, but divorce is not the solution. When husband and wife have a disagreement, they should reflect, pray, sit together and discuss. Accept fault where you are wrong, ask for pardon, or consult a priest or other spiritual adviser, but do not divorce."
~~Francis Cardinal Arinze

Itching Ears

2Tim 4:1-5 RSV

1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word, be urgent in season and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching. 3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings, 4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths. 5 As for you, always be steady, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfil your ministry.

Douay-Rheims Bible
For there shall be a time, when they will not endure sound doctrine; but, according to their own desires, they will heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears: And will indeed turn away their hearing from the truth, but will be turned unto fables.

New International Version
1 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.


I have thought we are living these verses out for a very long time now, especially in the area of Marriage, and easy no fault unilaterally forced divorce.

Today, people live together before marriage with impunity, and with many justifications and rationalizations for doing so.

Then, when married, many go on to justify and rationalize an affair, nearly always blaming their spouse for THEIR choice to dishonor and break their vows, bringing another person into the marriage who does not belong there, lying to spouse, children, family, friends, meeting 'in the dark' (in secret because they know it is wrong)... and when 'outed' , blaming the spouse (spouses if both are married) for causing them to look elsewhere for... whatever.

They presume that this will just be accepted by everyone, because THEY have a right to be happy... to have their 'soul mate'... to 'find themselves'.

They tell their spouse that they NEVER really loved the spouse, that they KNEW that they should not marry that person, that the person is at fault for not being able to... insert your own words here... make them feel fulfilled, happy, whatever...

They tell others that the spouse was 'mean', 'was never there', (or there too often), etc.

Often, they continually lie to the spouse, and then unexpectedly serve that spouse with divorce papers.

If the spouse is a man, he is kicked out of his own home and bed. He then gets to sit elsewhere, without his children, without his spouse, without his home--and watch as his spouse moves in another partner, into HIS home, HIS bed, with HIS children...

Male or female, all spouses in this situation then get to watch their family and friends sit by and 'do nothing' because they are too fearful of 'judging' another, "don't want to lose their friendship", "cannot REALLY know what was going on in the marriage", "have no right to interfere", and on, and on, and on...when in reality, they are afraid to say anything, or justify it by saying "IT Won't Do Any Good, anyway!".

Priests and Pastors -- IF approached by the cheating spouse-- also encourage them, often by outright telling them that divorce is not a sin (priests even telling them that they have grounds for Nullity, and implying a RIGHT to Nullity), instead of telling them, as Jesus did, the Truth... "Go, and sin no more!".... often neglecting to inform the cheater that they are not to separate, and if they do, are to remain single or reconcile with their spouse. (Who said that? Where? St Paul says that Jesus Himself said that!) I also often wonder if they ever tell them that God hates divorce, that adultery is a Sin that can keep one out of Heaven?

Those same Priests and Pastors often tell the SPOUSE that they are the one who is wrong, that they have 'no idea' how long that cheating other poor spouse had been suffering in silence... and, if Catholic, offer to 'help them' through the 'healing process of annulment'.

But never offer to HELP them to reconcile, as is taught by the Church, and commanded by the Lord in 1Cor 7:10-11???

To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband) -- and that the husband should not divorce his wife. {1 Cor 7:10-11 RSV}

Friends of the cheating spouse encourage that person by saying... you have a right to be happy... you deserve better... you should be with your 'soul mate', and by accepting the new person as a good thing. Those same friends turn on the cheated on spouse and say... "If you REALLY loved that person, you'd be happy for him/her!! You'd want them to be happy regardless of who they are with or where they are!"

WHAT? If you REALLY loved that person, you would NOT want them to end up in Hell. You would speak TRUTH to that person, whether you are their friend... or their priest/pastor! Or parent! Or sibling...

Today, the person who has the guts to speak the Truth to the persons involved is also villianized.

A priest in Merrill WI years back was asked to leave because he spoke Truth too often. He was 'harsh'. (NOT)

On his final day there, he spoke the words From 2 Tim 4:1-5, and then proceeded to tell the parishioners exactly what those words mean. The only topic he missed was Divorce and Remarriage, and I asked him to include that the next time, as I wished him well, and told him "RIGHT ON, FATHER!"

We have, in our family, a situation that has me just sick to my stomach.

A married female carries on a long-distance affair, leaves her husband, lies about where she is going/where she will be living/with whom she will be staying while on 'vacations', etc.

The two people who spoke Truth to her about this, when she was 'caught' -- and before her husband knew anything about it -- are villianized for having done so by her, and soon after, by many members of her family.

She is very good at triangulating, getting others on her side, and angry at someone else, thereby not examining/looking at what is really happening... taking the focus off of herself, putting it on another...that way she is the victim, and others are the villians. And no one talks to the spouse, because they want to believe she is not really cheating, in spite of the evidence for that fact.

Later, when the truth of the situation became obvious to everyone, others finally realized that they, too, must say something... but it must be done 'in love'....

Exactly how do you say "Stop cheating on your husband, and get back here with your kids, go to Confession, get marriage counseling, and keep your wedding vows"... in anything BUT 'Love"...

Love does NOT mean that you never have to say you are sorry, or never correct someone who is in SIN, or is in wrong-doing!

Love means that you speak Truth. LOVE means sometimes that you Admonish the Sinner (as in our Spiritual Acts of MERCY... remember those??)

Yes, you can do so in a nasty way or a nice way, but you don't play games, and you don't accept SIN.

You don't leave the spouse at home and entertain a newly formed 'loving couple' who are NOT married just so that you do not lose your friend!!

SORRY... the one who should be entertained is the deserted spouse, with an invitation to the cheating one to join us, whenever you are ready to 'come home' ...

Not so here. Not Today. Not very often.

HERE, 'Today'

Now that said sister has 'come home' (not to her spouse, but to the area) after having been beaten by the new guy.....AND after husband finally found out and took action of his own, as in:

• NO LONGER paying for the brand new expensive vehicle she had to have before she left him,
  
• NO LONGER paying her charge card bills, and
• NO LONGER paying her high cell phone bills (which she had used to nearly constantly text her boyfriend before, during and after the proverbial S**T hit the fan).
  

This finally happened MONTHS after she'd left, and kept lying about where she was living and with whom... and many huge cell phone bills, which when finally looked at, revealed to whom all those text messages and phone calls had gone to... the other man.

AND, she has not worked a single day during most of the marriage... or since she left!


So, in the here and now, in this very present time, since she has "returned", one of the two who originally spoke Truth to the cheating relative, was asked by a parent to contribute to a fund to help the sister get food, etc, for her kids. When she said no... she was asked WHEN SHE IS GOING TO APOLOGIZE to her sister and be friends again.

Note that said sister has not been told to apologize to her husband and return home to him, go to Confession, get marriage counseling, and keep her vows...

Why? I have no idea. But I am getting the impression that the family thinks that the 'Prodigal' has returned, and should be fed the fatted calf, given a robe and a ring, and accepted back as though nothing is wrong.

Nothing is wrong? She is only back because husband finally found out the truth, and stopped paying for her new vehicle and charge cards and cellphone! And MAYBE because the grass wasn't really so green on the other side of the fence after all. (Do I doubt that she was beaten by the boy friend? I don't know. When one lies as much as one does, how does one know when truth is being spoken?)

Sorry, this is backwards. The one who owes the apology is the one who has been CHEATING.

• She owes it first to her husband.
• She owes it next to her sister (her children are too young, but she owes them, also)
• ...and she owes it finally to her parents and siblings, grandmother, etc.

UNTIL she has truly repented, she is NOT a returned Prodigal.

Yet, today... in this world... it is my daughter in law who is looked at as the one who is wrong? For speaking Truth? For not wanting to enable ? (By the way, her sister hasn't worked through any of this, including when she was out of State, living with 'the other man').

St Paul warned us LONG ago that there would come a day.....

" For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths".

We are there.

God bless!


--
"Divorce tears marriage apart. It desolates both husband and wife. It leaves the children not only in tears but also in misery. We do not deny that there can be serious disagreement between husband and wife, but divorce is not the solution. When husband and wife have a disagreement, they should reflect, pray, sit together and discuss. Accept fault where you are wrong, ask for pardon, or consult a priest or other spiritual adviser, but do not divorce."
~~Francis Cardinal Arinze

Rich Mullins

Rich Mullins,

One of my most favorite singers...

I miss him, but I can still hear him singing ....

Enjoy... but hear his words, as well.





But I have a VERY hard time choosing favorites of his, for depending on where I am in my life, each of his songs has helped me in some way. I used to (before moves) have his music on a lot. He isn't the only singer I like, but he has a special place in my life, especially AWESOME GOD, and VERGE OF A MIRACLE...and... so many others....

Tracklist

		Track		Duration	Listeners
1		Sing Your Praise to the Lord full track		5:36	1,819
2		Awesome God full track		3:03	7,188
3		Sometimes By Step full track		4:52	2,350
4		Creed full track		5:19	2,665
5		We Are Not as Strong as We Think We Are full track		4:46	1,333
6		If I Stand full track		3:44	2,763
7		Screen Door full track		1:26	1,574
8		Let Mercy Lead full track		4:24	1,362
9		Elijah full track		4:44	1,494
10		Calling Out Your Name full track		4:50	2,154
11		My One Thing full track		3:41	1,253
12		Boy Like Me/Man Like You full track		3:17	777
13		Alrightokuhhuhamen full track		4:11	1,180
14		While the Nations Rage full track		4:49	1,121
15		Verge of a Miracle full track		4:11	991
16		Hold Me Jesus full track		3:01	2,560