Today, I got Matt's latest column from RenewAmerica.com in my email. (I get a few columnists' that I like emailed to me, so I don't miss them), and follow some of them on either Facebook or Twitter, or both...) Matt's column begins:
The following is a reprint of an article from the December 2009 issue of Homiletic & Pastoral Review titled The effects of divorce on children, by Barbara Meng.
Thanks to Mark Brumley and Catherine Harmon of Ignatius Press for allowing me to reprint Mrs. Meng's essay.
This introduction is on the website for the Dec 2009 issue of Homiletic & Pastoral Review:
CHILDREN OF DIVORCE … Since about 50 percent of marriages end in
divorce, it follows that half of the children in America suffer the effects of
divorce. In this issue Mrs. Barbara Meng, a mother of seven and grandmother of
eighteen, presents some of the results of long-term studies on the effects of
divorce on children. Three false assumptions are refuted: 1) that if the parents
are happier after divorce, the children will be too; 2) that it is better to
grow up in an environment free from bickering; 3) even if the children are
distressed by the divorce, they’re resilient and will soon recover. She shows
that these assumptions are not true. Whether four or forty, children suffer from
the divorce of parents.
Having watched the effects of my in-laws divorce on their two adult sons, 25 and 24, 17 yr old daughter, and 11 year old son, and then seeing the effects that it has had on the marriages of all four, I can vouch for that last sentence. I can further vouch for it in my own children, and again, in their marriages.
1. Parental happiness can be summarized by selfishness of one or both, usually, but the children are not happy when Mom and Dad are in two different homes, and they become 'visitors' in one of them.
2. If anyone thinks that divorce papers magically END any 'bickering', they are terribly mistaken. Instead, the fighting generally escalates, and sometimes never ends. Sometimes, that escalating fighting ends in severe injury or even death of one of the spouses in murder, suicide, or both. Attorneys begin to speak for the spouses, and often come up with all sorts of demands/requests of the court, including custody fights.... and who is the 'prize'? The children that are supposed to be (1) happier with happier parents, and (2) better off than they were before.
3. Ah, yes, children are resilient and 'recover'...but they are never the same. Their 'recovery' may even take the rest of their lives, as they grow up, graduate from school, perhaps never or seldom see one of their parents... then get to enjoy their adult milestones: their own wedding (worry about how the 2 families will get along, etc), birth of their children with birthday parties, Sacraments, etc, etc, etc...
Suggestion: Read Elizabeth Marquardt's works, including her book, BETWEEN TWO WORLDS. The children of divorce (whose parents were told by the so-called experts #'s 1, 2, and 3 above, and who bought the lie hook, line, and sinker) are beginning to speak out, and tell us what we should have known all along.
And now, go read more Truth:
The effects of divorce on children By Barbara Meng
A wise man said:
"Divorce tears marriage apart.
It desolates both husband and wife.
It leaves the children not only in tears but also in misery.
We do not deny that there can be serious disagreement between husband and wife, but divorce is not the solution.
When husband and wife have a disagreement, they should reflect, pray, sit together and discuss.
Accept fault where you are wrong, ask for pardon, or consult a priest or other spiritual adviser,
but do not divorce."
~~Francis Cardinal Arinze
God bless!
