Oncologist (My Journey Continues)

My journey continues. I dread this one more than even going in for the surgery! I really did NOT want to go alone, but feared that I had to. Perhaps, His Mercy will give my a companion to go with after all...

This journey began on May 29th. I left work, and drove to a Perkins Restaurant to meet my son and daughter in law for supper. They had been to the Doctor and heard their baby's heartbeat, and were so very happy and excited. In the middle of supper, I felt a need to go to the lady's room where I had a terrifying moment--shock, disbelief, denial.

I put on a 'happy face', because I did NOT want to be the cause of taking away the joy they felt on this day. I went back to the booth, and nibbled a little more, talking about anything BUT what had just happened.... then...I had to go to the lady's room again... and again, as if to confirm the first time, and pull me OUT of denial--a repeat of earlier.

We stayed for a short time, still talking baby, still being 'normal'. I kissed them good bye, and rushed home, wondering if I would make the trip fast enough... I did... JUST made it into my apartment and down the hall.

It ended then. I went to work the next day, and said nothing to anyone there, including the Dr I work with. I was being 'shadowed' by a new employee for the day, so had a lot to teach. I was fine. No pain, no bleeding, no symptoms. I was scheduled off the next day, so knew I could rest...

Then I got home, and later that night, it started once again... my apt manager was coming the next day to check the air conditioner. I decided that I needed to talk to her before calling anyone. Why? I needed to ask her to make keys to my apartment for each of my three children, so that they could get in if there were any emergency.

She came about 1 PM Thursday, May 31st. She agreed to the extra keys without any question. When she left, I called my oldest daughter to ask her to take me to the 'acute care' clinic..and had to tel her why. She was NOT happy with me for waiting. She asked 'Which hospital, Mom?'... I reiterated... "no hospital (sharp nurse here.... ) Acute care!"

She drove me to St E's ER. There I was told that Acute Care would not do anything but send me back to them....argh.... I knew I was sunk, and was going to end up being admitted.

Sure enough. I had NOT eaten all day, because I was up all night, and finally fell asleep very early, and got up just before my apt manager came... then Erin came and we left for the hospital. Now I was told.. Ice chips only, and the 'prep' I dreaded for the scopes ('top and bottom' as the MD said...). And NOTHING by mouth after midnight.

I slept little that night, either. On Friday, June 1, 2007, I had the scopes done, and as I was coming out of the anesthesia, they told me I was going for an abdominal CT Scan soon.... OH COOL! THIS IS NOT GOOD! NURSE IN ME SAYS ... "THEY FOUND SOMETHING!!!!!!"

They had. A mass. A General Surgeon consult needed. Biopsy done, not back yet... Five days in the hospital, because they did not want to release me til I saw the surgeon, because of the potential to bleed again. She finally came on Monday. We made plans, and I was discharged on Tues. I went to work on Wed, Thurs, and Friday. By now, of course, work knew I was in the hospital.

Remember my 'shadow' from last week Wed? Well, now he became my official replacement, and I trained him on Thursday and Friday...and then went home to wait for Sunday's 'prep' to begin...and Surgery on Monday, June 11, 2007.

Meanwhile, I had told Mom many times daily from Friday night on where I was, why, and what was going to happen. Poor Mom knew she was worried about me, but could not and still cannot remember why. In one phone call, she would repeat over and over again... "And where are you? Why are you there? And why wasn't I told this before?.... I don't remember being told before...." And I would repeat my answers, saying... "Yes, Mom...I told you. You just don't remember that I told you, and that is OK..."

There is more of my journey here and here and here and here and here.... which then brings us to later today...

The ONCOLOGIST. He has the final word on any further treatment needed. At two fifteen today, I will be in his office. I don't want to go alone... I know HE is with me, but the presence of another human being who knows me is something that is important.

I have praised Him, for He knows what He is doing, what the future holds, and He is the Great Physician. I have asked for Wisdom and Guidance for all those who are going to be involved..and the HE be in charge of who those people will be. I choose to Trust HIM.

But I have also told Him that I don't like being on this journey alone. My children, my Mom, my siblings, my friends are important to me. But they are not 'Husband'. It is not the same. And it really hits hard when Cancer enters the picture...

Please continue to pray for me.

God bless!

ADDENDUM July 7, 2007 12:22 AM

I neglected to add the update link to this post... NO CHEMO! NO RADIATION!