Thirty years ago.... this month, two mothers were born....

It is October already! Where has this year gone to?

October is a big birthday month for our family, both sides. But this October is different. Not only has THIS year flown by...but so have the last thirty. On Sept 16, 1975, on one side of our family, we welcomed Jackie to the world, a tiny, fragile-looking baby girl. On October 15, 1975, when we still did not know that we WOULD be parents, our daughter was born. She came home to us the end of December, 1975, a beautiful, smiley, charming, stubborn little girl who made it clear quite early that she would do things her way, thank you!

Thirty years ago, a young mother gave birth to a child that she chose to give life to, yet knew she could not raise, just as we were waiting for the final paperwork to get to the agency from the doctors, etc before they would make the ultimate decision. Thirty years ago, God was working behind the scenes to begin a new family in answer to a woman's cry after once again learning that she was NOT pregnant after all... thirty years ago, though He had known from the beginning of Time, of the creation of the human race, that ultimately .... the heart-felt sobbing of " GOD! Please! I JUST WANT TO BE A MOTHER!!" ...would be answered by this child.

Thirty years ago on Oct 15, two mothers were born, both through much pain. Not labor. That only lasts a very short time, in reality, no matter how 'bad' it gets. But the pain of living with the unknown, the judgement of others, having to face the fact that life doesn't always happen the way we want it to happen.

Karen wanted the best for her baby girl, wanted to be Mom as long as she could, and held/fed her tiny daughter every feeding in the hospital (back then, we stayed in the hospital longer). She visited her again to say good bye on her 20th birthday, when she went to court to sign papers that allowed her child to come to us. She said good bye to her, never knowing if she would EVER see her again.

On October 15th, the strain of an 'emotional pregnancy' was really beginning to show on this new mother who still did not know she was going to BE a mother. In our study, we had already lost one couple who would not become parents by adoption. That was very hard on all of us, the remaining three couples...then the phone calls began to come... one couple brought home a new daughter... the other brought home a new son....and we still did not know... the MD had forgotten to send in the history and physical for my children's father!

The pain of not knowing... ended on Nov 14th, 1975, with a phone call, saying ... congratulations! "It may take a year or a year and a half, but you WILL be a Mom and Dad!"... Wow... the cloud lifted... co-workers noticed, and asked what had happened that night when I got to work! The weight was no longer showing on my face!

Thirty years ago this month, my beautiful daughter was born. Two fathers also became fathers that day, though neither knew.... one learned later, and it was not confirmed for MANY years.
He also went to court the day Karen did, after having held his daughter and crying while he fed and changed her. But thirty years ago, a birth father not married to the birthmother did not stand much chance of being able to keep and raise his child, especially with divorce and other children in his life. But Roger had always wanted a daughter....and he wanted her to have the best she could have...and he held her ...and cried. And he, too, wondered if he would ever see her again, and if he would EVER know if she was really his.... NOT because he did not believe she could be... but because they had only been together once...and he had not known about the child until after she was born for many reasons not important to go into.

Both of these parents are and were good people. Remember that always. Good people, one time, a child conceived... and the decision made to allow that child to LIVE by one...then loved by both as they said their good byes so that she could have two parents together.

The other waited while I called his MD to get the papers sent to the agency...while they made the final decision... and then waited with me until... my boss said to please call and find out WHEN, as they had become dependent on my float position after so many years at the hospital... though we had been told at least a year... I did call on Dec 3 and left a message for our social worker to call....

Thirty years ago October 15th, God knew that Karen and Roger would choose to place their daughter for adoption, and that she would go to ... our home. He KNEW, though none of us did, that on Dec 3, our SW, Patricia, would call and say.... "I would NOT tell you this if I did not know that you could handle it if something goes wrong... but I walked into work today, and picked up some papers. On the top was your message asking me to call you... and then... a letter about a beautiful little girl with the names of potential birth parents, and you are on the top of the list... but normally you would not know this until after the parental rights hearing that is scheduled for Dec 15th..... "

I tearfully hid the phone and 'yelled' quietly... "IT's a GIRL!" to my husband... and then 'calmly' went back to the phone and just kept saying yes.. yes, ok... yes... ok... THANK YOU!

The date of her arrival at our home had to be delayed another week because of another complication ... but on Dec 29, 1975, that little child came home.

26 years later, because of health issues of her OWN child, my first grandchild.... we met Karen, and that beautiful baby girl held and hugged her birth mother in my presence, with my blessing. Seven months later, we found Roger... we did DNA tests, we confirmed... and in Nov of that year, after 27 years, Roger again held his daughter...and we all cried.

Thirty years ago, plus... one young 19 year old made the decision to give Life. Thirty years ago, two mothers were born....


Where have the last thirty years gone? I remember my little girl.... now grown

Happy 30th birthday to my oldest, the mother of two of my four grandchildren... Erin. I love you! I always will.