Our Kids MUST be our primary concern!!

Long ago, when no fault, forced, unilateral divorce entered our lives, I made a very grateful discovery. Because I had returned to school after we married, I had a livable wage, when combined with the child support for the three very young children we had.

I realized that many mothers in that situation were being paid minimum wage. I also realized why SOME had chosen to have a boyfriend move in with them even though I could not condone it, for many reasons. They had a choice between a roof over their heads and feeding their kids, or living on the streets. I also knew many came to regret deeply that decision.

For many reasons, including example/scandal to the children, etc, this fact of having a male move into the family unit is not always a wise decision. Often, the choice was simply 'jumping from the frying pan into the fire' by choosing someone like the former.

But occasionally, and increasingly today, it was a choice of someone worse.

The past couple of days, there has been another Amber Alert, an 8 year old taken by a convicted sexual molester. Mother did not know his history when he entered their lives and home.

How many kids have been hurt in this way because of a parent's decision? How many have been beaten, molested, killed by the man invited into the family unit by their mother, unknowingly bringing evil into that family?

How many women have been hurt, beaten by the same decision? I wish I knew the stats on this.

I once did a search for news stories to prove a point about a different subject that astonished those I sent it to. That search was for violence that occurs AFTER divorce papers have been served on the spouse, even with a restraining order. Deaths and near deaths were reported. And there were times that there had not even BEEN a history of violence in the family prior to those divorce papers ....

This past year, as I have watched so many children kidnapped, molested and murdered by sexual predators, I have wondered how many were by former/current boyfriends of the mother. I did not keep track. But with this latest kidnapping, I wish I had, or that someone had.

Long ago, when no fault, forced, unilateral divorce entered our life, I made a determination to live my vows regardless of what others had to say on the subject for many reasons. One, it being a core value in my life that marriage is til death, no matter who in the State may say it is not, no matter who in the marriage may try to get out of those vows, and no matter who in the Church (in the US) may try to say it was not valid. (I would appeal any Null decision to the Rota as the Court of Second Instance, automatically.)

That decision was also made for my children. I had come into contact in my career with children who had been abused, physically, some even sexually, by 'significant others'. I had also come across the grief of the results of that abuse in the ensuing years in 12 Step programs and working with Alcohol/Drug Rehab. I made up my mind that I would never put my children into that situation in any way that I could be held responsible.

I had two very pretty girls, and a cute son to protect.

I was fortunate. I earned enough money to do this, and child support helped. But I don't believe that money should be a reason for any mother to endanger her children in this way. A good choice of a housemate is another woman. This is not to be misconstrued into 'same sex relationships'. A housemate is a housemate, and shares rent and utilities and other expenses, sharing cleaning, etc.

I would never blame the victim here, and do not want anyone to think that I do. I find this so very sad.

But we must begin to wake up, and think about our CHILDREN FIRST.

Children of divorce have MUCH against them already, as many studies have shown, and they do NOT 'get over it'. It affects them regardless of their age at the time when that divorce takes place, even if they are adults themselves. While some divorces take place for protection, most take place because one person has chosen to break their wedding vows, to abandon the marriage, to throw away one spouse, and get another. They can justify it anyway they want, but most is for very selfish reasons...

Marriage was never promised to be a bed of roses, always happy. There is the 'bad times' we vowed to be faithful in. So the first way to protect our kids is to get the 'D' word out of our vocabulary, and learn that Love is not a feeling, but a CHOICE, as is forgiveness. And then make that choice DAILY (sometimes many times daily).

The second way to protect our kids is to stop moving people into our homes, lives, etc so easily! Those children MUST come first until they are adult and on their own. Not second. Not an afterthought. First. Always.

They are our responsibility. They are our primary concern. Yes, at times, it is a 'lonely' job. But those kids NEED a parent. Actually, they need TWO PARENTS.

The third way to protect our kids is .. believe it or not.. an EDUCATION!! Whether that comes before the marriage or after, it is absolutely imperative that we have the means to provide for our family in the event of ... death of a spouse... or that forced, unilateral no fault divorce.

With that education, we CAN provide a safe haven for our kids in at least one way...we are not 'forced' to have anyone outside the family 'move in with us' to keep the roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs.

And maybe even more important than any other is one most do not want to hear.

God did not give us the Ten Commandments to spoil our fun.
He gave them to us to PROTECT us!

Just as a parent tells their child... 'Thou shalt not cross the street without me' when they are little ... to protect the child from any vehicle coming...
or Thou shalt NOT go to a friend's house after school without calling me'.... to know where the child is... just as we set down rules to keep our kids safe...

God gave us those Commandments to keep US safe.

If we lived them, including avoiding adultery, fornication, etc, we would cut down the ways that evil could enter our lives immensely. No, not completely. There is evil in the world. But we would not have to INVITE it in...

Just my two cents.


"Right is still right if nobody is right,
and wrong is still wrong if everybody is wrong,"
Archbishop Fulton J Sheen author of The Life of Christ



The groom says:I (...), take you (...) to be my wife.
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad,
in sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The bride says:I (...), take you (...) to be my husband.
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad,
in sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.