A Daughter's Open Letter to Papa, BXVI
I have been watching the coverage of your visit here, and listening to as much of what you have said to us as I have been able to. There have been a few times that I could not catch it live, and tried to catch it later on EWTN, and there have been a few events that I missed due to my schedule.
I have beamed with happiness just as so many others; I have wished that I could be in your path, and receive your blessing, just as so many other have.
Today I watched the truly beautiful Mass in St Patrick's, and I had tears for several reasons. The sheer majesty of that Mass with the beautiful music was the cause of many of them. But then there was another side that brought me to write this open letter.
Cardinal Egan, LONG ago did a tape that I heard, and lost, and wish that St Anthony would help me find. Sigh... there are quite a few things that I am hoping he helps me to find. But that tape says so much that we NEED TO HEAR MORE OFTEN.
He was Bishop Egan then, and the topic was what has really changed since Vatican II as far as Nullity is concerned. He said NOTHING changed, in actuality!!
But then why do the Tribunals in the US now use so many ways to destroy marriages that are far beyond what was taught, under the 'guidance' of men like Fr Wrenn? Fr Catoir?
I loved that Bishop back then, but I have really heard nothing more of note from him since. And that saddens me immensely.
Nearly three years ago I read on Zenit about a group in Italy that is supported by a Bishop, and started by a woman named Maria Pia Campanella.
Several times in my blog I have quoted JPII's words:
But it is also proper to recognize the value of the witness of those spouses who, even when abandoned by their partner, with the strength of faith and of Christian hope have not entered a new union: These spouses too give an authentic witness to fidelity, of which the world today has a great need. For this reason they must be encouraged and helped by the pastors and the faithful of the church.
~~FAMILIARIS CONSORTIO Pope John Paul II
I told our story here.... and I have repeatedly spoken out against no fault, forced, unilateral divorce. I have posted our Vows in many places. I am a STANDER (stand in the gap for my spouse and my marriage until reconciliation or death parts us)..
So why do I write to you today, as a daughter to her Papa?
While watching the Mass this morning, I saw a twice divorced man in an irregular third marriage
go forward to receive the Eucharist, and my heart broke once again.
(I AM A SINNER, and have at times also gone to Communion when I knew in my heart that I should not have done so...forgive me, for I know that God views all Sin as evil, not just this man's... HOWEVER, I try to repent, turn away from my sin. This man cannot turn away as long as he remains in a third irregular marriage... True, I cannot judge his heart, but we are called to judge actions as part of the Spiritual Acts of Mercy--to admonish the sinner!)
That said, this is what is in my heart...
How long, Oh Lord?? How long Holy Father?? How long do your people have to watch Valid marriages being left behind, forgotten, mocked, told to get on with our lives, told we are bitter, unforgiving, rigid? How long are we to be told that WE are the ones who must change, and watch the Church speak with loving 'compassion' to the husbands and wives of our youth about living as brother and sister with a second 'mate' for the sake of THEIR children while OURS are shuttled between two homes, losing their Faith, struggling to trust enough to marry, struggling to learn how to live the same vows which were taken by their parents, then tossed aside by one, and again, by our US Tribunals?
How long before OUR children are remembered with true compassion, and the words that are needed to be heard are spoken from our pulpits?? Instead of the relativistic 'feel good' things that are spoken, relativism and a spirit of 'false compassion' are fed to the faithful, who are PERISHING from the lack of knowledge of Truth? How long must we wait to hear TRUTH, instead of crumbs from the false religion of today's society? HOW LONG DO we have to hear that PRIESTS are telling ONE partner that they can divorce, while refusing to HEAR the one who does not want it??? How long will 'Spiritual Directors' continue to contribute to the enemy's design on our Sacrament?
HOW LONG BEFORE WE HEAR, instead, Words of Truth, and Life, from the mouth of Jesus Himself, from God Himself, and from St Paul? Words that speak of the indissolubility of Marriage? Words that speak of remaining single or being reconciled with the spouse of your youth in order to bring up holy children??
How long before the words to the Rota spoken by JPII and by yourself are enforced in our Church? How long do we watch as an unfaithful spouse divorces us, marries civilly, then goes to the Tribunals and 'gets' their 'annulment' so that they can 'marry again, for the first time', in our Church? Are you aware that there are many who teach HOW to get that 'annulment', but FEW TEACH that you must prepare for a Valid verdict? Instead, 'Catholic singles' groups welcome those who divorce with no regard to the very real possibility that a very real marriage is still in effect, and the persons in that group should be living their vows.....
How long do we have to listen to false teachers speaking of the Internal Forum for those who don't want to go to the Tribunal for whatever reason? I am tired of relativism in this area of life also!
I am a 'first wife'. I am in all actuality, the ONLY wife!!
I have no doubt of the validity of my marriage. My children were even told by the civil wife of my children's father (MY HUSBAND in the eyes of God and the Church) that they cannot receive the Eucharist BECAUSE in the eyes of the Church, they are not married!
Yet I am alone. I have raised my children alone. I see them struggle in their marriages, with the same temptation to end it with easy no fault divorce, or to learn a new way not taught to them by their parents ... or one set of grandparents. I see them only partially living out their Faith in Church attendance, or not at all.
I hear my mother, widowed, tell me that as hard as it is for her, "it is worse to have been divorced and have it never end..." For she is free to make her choices for her future, and she knows that I am not. She understands, though siblings do not, friends do not, and fellow Catholics do not.
"Go get an annulment!" "Go join a singles group! Meet someone! Get on with your life"! "God would want you to be happy! He would never expect you to be alone for the rest of your life..."
"Trust the holy spirit! Petition the Tribunals!"... who write to us about our 'former spouse' even before any papers are filed, when they are supposed to be supporting and assuming that civil divorce means NOTHING in our Church, and therefore, we are still MARRIED no matter what mankind may say in their civil divorce courts. Trust them? When in order to petition, we have to sign a form that says we believe our marriage to be NULL??? I wonder if the Holy Spirit is the one being heard in our Tribunals for the past 30+ years...
Who will correct the young Canon Lawyers who honestly believe that those "Baby Boomers" have NO IDEA what marriage means, and cannot have a Valid marriage, that there is 'no hope for us', as I was told.... Someone taught them this falsehood! Who will stand up for us and defend EVEN those of us who were forced into divorce court against our will, with no due process, no right to defend our marriage, no right to stand on our religious beliefs in a process that is evil and probably also unconstitutional? Who will correct the thinking that a VALID marriage will never GET to a civil divorce court???
MANY DO!
MANY, MANY, MANY do!
WHERE are our ST THOMAS MORE's?? WHERE are our ST JOHN FISHER's?? Who will correct the false teachings of those who have joined the Civil courts to further destroy our Sacrament through the Tribunals?
Everything is the opposite of what God says in Malachi! Everything goes against what Jesus says in Matt 19:3-9, Mark 10:2-12, Matt 5:31-32, Luke 16:18!! Everything goes against what Paul wrote in 1Cor 7:10-16!!
This IS the time of 2 Timothy 4:3-4!!
I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:
preach the word, be urgent in season and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching.
For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths.
HOW LONG before we hear the TRUTH spoken and enforced?
Shortly after you became Pope Benedict XVI, I emailed you begging you to save OUR marriages, first marriages, first families. Have compassion, REAL compassion on those of us who have been betrayed, yet remain faithful. Those of us who have asked for forgiveness, and given forgiveness, and stand firmly for the Sacrament and our Vows. Compassion for OUR children...
From a daughter to her Papa in Christ
God bless!
Labels: "Stander", "Two Become One", Benedict XVI, Catholic, Covenant, Divorce, Forced divorce, Indissolubility, Marriage, No fault Divorce, Til Death Do Us Part, Unilateral divorce, Vows
posted by WI Catholic @ 4/19/2008 11:16:00 AM
4 Comments:
Hi Wi Catholic - We spoke several years ago - I am in AK - Good note, but maybe I am mistaken, I thought the Church defaults automatically that all marriages are valid, unless one party thinks differently, then the Church has the Canon Law known as annulments to look at the marriage, if at least one of parties wants it looked at. If neither party is interested in the annulment process, then the default stands. I know, that if someone is unhappy with their situation of being divorce, then annulment is the only process that the Church will do to look at a marriage, that is why it is given to people as an option, otherwise it defaults to valid and sacramently. So your situation after looking at the paperwork was correct, since you know you have a valid and sacramental marriage. Annulment is not the route for you, but for others it would. People that are not sure have that avenue offered by Christ's Church. God Bless, Meg
Hi, Meg! Glad you are here again~
The Church doesn't 'default back', but instead teaches that all first marriages are to be presumed to be valid until proven not to be. This is very much the Truth.
Any marriage between two Baptized individuals is also Sacramental, regardless of which Church they attend (as long as the baptism is recognized by the Catholic Church, that is. For example, LDS's (Mormon) baptism is not.
But even when it is not Sacramental, and only 'natural', it is still presumed Valid (well, not for those who are Catholic who did not marry in the Church, or with a dispensation to do so--that is lacking Form).
However, in the US, many priests and Deacons have encouraged one party of a marriage to seek a divorce, even telling them that divorce is not a sin..though clearly in the Catechism, it is called "Grave Sin".
Many times, the other half of that marriage has never been in any of the counseling sessions, and has no idea that this is coming. Often, they had not known about the counseling/spiritual direction, and/or had never MET the priest or deacon.
I have known many instances (personally) of a marriage that broke up because of an affair. Divorce was filed by the one having the affair, who then went on to marry the other partner outside the Church.
Two things then happen:
One, they want to come back to the Church, petition for Nullity, receive a Null verdict, and marry in the Church.
Two, they may continue to attend Church, and want to receive the Eucharist, but are not able to.
In that case, there are numerous statements about the pain that they are in, and instructions given to live as brother and sister, esp if there are children born into that union...'for the sake of the children'.
In the eyes of many, the actions that broke up that marriage are being rewarded, either way.
At no time are the children of the first marriages ever given that benefit in thinking. Few even seem to remember the pain of those children, nor of the spouse who was cheated on, deserted, and still lives the wedding vows.
There are many Null verdicts being given on spurious 'grounds' that seem to be increasing exponentially on a yearly basis. The 'real' reasons have long ago been replaced with things that could technically mean that NO ONE is married! In fact, I was told that personally by a Canon Lawyer referring to 'Baby Boomers'.
I know two people (three+ if you count Sheila Kennedy Rauch (and those she documented in her book as well)--four if you count Vasoli) off the top of my head who have appealed to the Rota, and have had the US Tribunal verdicts overturned. They have defended the validity of their marriages and have been shown to be correct
One is now going on the fourth round, after having TWO Valid verdicts.
And his spouse has never been told to leave her current situation, and has been allowed to go to Communion. Instead, she was given encouragement to pursue another round with the Rota! (Are you aware that either can appeal any time new evidence can be found for as long as both are alive? I wasn't. I thought a verdict was a verdict. It is in divorce. But a Tribunal never claims that it is 'final' in its verdicts.)
So what happens when they get Valid findings? We then have those who tell us that they can use Internal Forum in order to be able to 'know' that the true verdict is really 'Null'... even though JPII and others have clearly stated this use for marriage/divorce is not true. Marriage is a public event, and Internal Forum is not the route to use for determining its validity/nullity.
Once in a three year cycle of Gospel readings, we hear the words of Jesus (think it is Mark 10) from the pulpit. Just once. I think the topic MAY come up twice in that time, but one of them may be in the two year cycle, and is either the Luke 16:18 verse or Matt 5:31-32 verses, but I don't have my notes handy...)
Have you ever sat through a homily when that was the reading and had any priest/deacon actually give the sermon on indissolubility, the sin of divorce and adultery, that harm done to children by divorce/second marriages?
I have been listening, and "polling" others for 25 years, and I have not heard it once.
I have known MANY who have said to their Tribunals that they heard about the Rota (after reading Sheila Rauch Kennedy's, or Vasoli's books) and have been strongly discouraged from appealing to the Rota, and have even been lied to about it.
No one I know has ever been advised that they have the right to appeal to the Rota as the Court of Second Instance...worse, no one I have met or written to has even been told by their Tribunals or Canon Lawyers that this is even an option at any point. They learned it on their own through researching, or by reading Kennedy's or Vasoli's books.
What are some of the outright lies told? "They don't understand English over there (Rome)". "It will cost a fortune". "You can't go to the Rota until after the Court of Second Instance has made its ruling". One is probably true..."It may take years". When one is speaking of Eternity... the wait may well be worth it.
Those who stand by their vows, and continue to live them are told that we are bitter, vindictive, rigid, not 'trusting the Holy Spirit', unforgiving, etc. There are MANY Catholic forums I can point to where one can read those sentiments any time the topic is brought up. I can also point to Confessionals where similar things have been said.
Seldom do we hear JPII's words about us from FAMILIARIS CONSORTIO (Section 20). Seldom do our spouses get reminded of them from our pulpits, either.
Jesus spoke Truth to the woman at the well... married five times, and living with another. She repented because she knew she had been told the Truth. She did not have a husband...
Divorce does not end marriage. That statement is then challenged with ... "valid marriages".. or 'Sacramental marriages'..."what GOD has joined..." inferring that most are not valid, Sacramental or God witnessed/joined, but remember, ALL first marriages are presumed Valid.
I really do not think that anyone who has not been on the receiving end of no fault, forced, unilateral divorce really appreciates the evil that this is, as is the resulting ease of Null US verdicts is. There is no stopping a divorce, legally. Once granted, it is difficult for anyone to obtain a Valid verdict from a US Tribunal today.
The current presumption of many in the US (church and Tribunal) that a VALID marriage would never have gotten to any divorce court...not true.
Rare is the marriage that is truly Null.
Finally, this said in love...one of the things being taught today all over the world is 'it may be right for you, but not for someone else'. That is relativism. Secular humanism is another term. Truth does not change. There are absolutes. Jesus is very clear on what He taught.
God bless, Meg!! Keep coming back. I LOVE seeing my visitors from AK. There are a few regulars from Wasilla and Anchorage areas. It is a state that I would truly LOVE to see someday!
God bless!!
Hi Wi Catholic: Thanks for the note. I am glad you see I visit your site often. Are you coming up to visit anytime soon? If you think, let me know, we need to meet!!!
On divorce from the pulpit, our Priest is from a divorced family. He has talked about how it affects the family and others. He has been open on his personal situation. What I understand of what he has stated, for him and his sister (whom I know) they were relieved of the stress of their parents marriage. In their situation, they were afforded a college education and time with their father. Do they think that is the route to follow? No, they don't think that is the best nor the only route in a crisis situation. I would say they are the expection of a divorce situation. Did it affect their family, yes and they are fractured, but so is my family with no divorce at all. In this day and age, I know of no family that is not fractured, with or without divorce.
He is also a canon lawyer and tells from the experience from his side of the desk on marriages that have gone down. We have enjoyed his candidness on the subject. Not all marriages are declared null. Most don't even have enough evidence to go and be looked at, but the way I see it, people should have an option.
Obviously, the case of a man or a woman having an affair and leaving a family behind happens, but personally, most of them up here don't go to Church. I guess, I am not that close to many people in my Church to know much about their situations. Our communitee in AK is very transient, due to Military and people just move every couple of years, so I don't try to get to know anyone in particular.
However, the Catholics I have known that are my clients for work and go to Church and are on another marriage, some take communion, some do not. But most of those people do not come to Church on a regular basis. I call them "Sacramental" Church goers. They show up for the Sacraments, then drop off, then show up again as necessary.
The one older woman I know, who has been divorced, is very mean and bitter and yells at my girls for being servers. We just try and avoid her. Tried talking to her, but her personality is just caustic. Not sure if it has always been that way or if the divorce made her that way. Her grandchildren try and avoid her. Her grandson likes my girls, but if his grandma is around his personality changes. Everyone walks on egg shells around her. Is it from her divorce, I am not sure, but trying to help her or be friendly, she just yells at everyone, even our Priest.
So there is my knowledge of my parish and divorce people. Not much to tell, without getting to know people, who are going to leave in a year or so. Maybe your place, people live their longer and you know more people for a longer period of time, but up here, there are here, then they are gone...
Try and come up, you will love it. We just had about a foot of snow on Friday...all gone today with the grass turning green. God Bless Meg :)
I almost did apply for a temporary DH job a few years ago, from May to Sept. But I had promised my grandson that if he fulfilled certain things in school and did well, that I would take him to DC right after school left out.
He did. We went, and I never made it to AK that year. One does not break promises. Especially those made to a child, but Jesus tells us to keep our word. Let your yes be yes, your no be no.
There is a difference in fractures in families when divorce enters a family.
Perhaps the bitter woman was hurt so very badly that she can no longer let anyone enter. But we don't know that is the cause, and may never know.
I am glad, however, that you are able to hear the topic raised in Church. It is possibly the first time I have been told that the subject was broached, even in a small way.
Life here is not as transient, for many families never leave the area. Others leave, as I did, and return. We are becoming larger, so we do have new people coming, and we are growing. People today know each other less than they did when I was growing up, and every one knew everyone.
I also had thought of doing some travel nursing (LPN) up in AK, and even trained in IV therapy/phlebotomy in preparation for it, but that never happened either. God does seem to close doors at times, but later opens others. Should one of those doors ever open long enough for me to get my foot into it, and I get the chance to make it up there, I will definitely let you know!
God bless!
PS If you ever get a chance, read Elizabeth Marquardt's ,Between Two Worlds.
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