Visitors

I have been having visitors recently that I want to address. It started with a search someone did. Now, however, there are two searches showing up. The first did not show my site, and I could not figure out how it happened that I was visited. The later one does, and refers to another visitor that I had had who took one of my posts to a website that included information on how to come here. I addressed that incident here, which is the post that now shows up on the second search results.

I will not allow what happened to other blogs and groups happen here. This site is not open to hatred, bitterness, and name-calling. I have access to ISP numbers, and will post them, as well as cities of origin if I need to.

Now, some from today are here because I told them about what had been happening. So I am not speaking of them, though they are welcome to just leave a note saying that they are friendly visitors if they would like.

I am not going to allow this and this to happen here (read comments sections).

I am an Open Records Supporter. I am also a supporter of reunions of adult adoptees. I am a proud member of the Adoption Triad. I am the one who did the search for our daughters' birthparents when they wanted to search, and paid the small costs involved.

I wrote to both birthmothers to thank them for giving the girls LIFE. They could have chosen differently. Our second daughter's birthmother, in fact, chose LIFE AND ADOPTION twice. We have been 'in reunion' with her bhalf sister since she was placed with another family three years later.

Like it or not, I am Mom. Period.

I did not baby sit for 30 years. I parented.

You cannot depersonalize me because I will not allow you to. You cannot diminish the role in my three children's and four grandchildren's lives because I will not allow you to. You cannot come here and attempt to use this as your forum of hatred because I will not allow you to.

Should I get these kinds of emails or comments, I will decide if they come onto my site or not, and I may PUBLISH some if I choose to do so. But not for your purpose. Simply as illustrations of hatred, unforgiveness, bigotry. With ISP addresses, so that you are forewarned.

When a label describing this Mom is used, it is descriptive, as in an adjective. Smart Mom. Stubborn Mom. Strict Mom. Loving Mom. Short Mom. Adoptive Mom.

I am NOT a noun. Mom is my title. 'Adopter' is not. 'Adopter' is a Pejorative.

A word or phrase is a pejorative (frequently misspelled perjorative) if it implies contempt or disapproval.

The adjective pejorative is synonymous with derogatory and dyslogistic (noun: dyslogism) (antonyms: meliorative, eulogistic, noun eulogism). Dyslogisms such as "pea-brain" and "bottom-feeder" are words and phrases essentially pejorative by their nature.

I also had at one time, an infertility problem. But I was not a 'Desperate Infertile", again, a Pejorative.

I learned long ago that for my mental health, I MUST (not just 'recommended', but MUST) accept responsibility for my own actions, and I MUST forgive. Without those two components active in my life, I grow more bitter, angry, blaming and get sicker and sicker.

Those who choose to hold onto unforgiveness, blaming only get sicker. It destroys them.

Those who dislike the current adoption System have been working together for a long time. We are three parts of the whole. Adoptive Parent, Birth Parent and Adoptee. Two had CHOICES when this relationship began. ONE did not have any choice at all.

For one party of the arrangement to say that they had NO responsibility for their choice is false. To blame Social Workers, Adoptive Parents, etc for their own actions is also, ridiculous.

Yes, there was a day when birthmothers were sent to unwed mother's homes by their parents and told not to return home with the baby. Some still kept. Most could not do so. I have had empathy for these women for years, because they were MY GENERATION and before.

But that was not the fault of any Adoptive Parent. That was their OWN PARENTS demanding that they leave, enter the unwed mother's home, (or an Aunt's home somewhere out of the area...etc) and told them that if they came home with that... baby, they had no home. When the girls came home sans baby, they also were NOT allowed to talk about it again in most cases.

That was the home of origin. And it may still happen in some homes today. However, today, there are helps available, and there are MANY who choose to keep and raise their children. Some should not, but do. And some CHOOSE Adoption for their child as did Karen and Liz (twice).

So, keep your sick hatred and blaming away from me, as I will have no part of it. I learned long ago that feelings are able to be changed by choice. Choosing to Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time. Choosing to forgive, though that does not imply approval. Choosing to be part of accomplishing Good by uniting with others to fight what is wrong, not fighting people and blaming. Principles over Personalities is the way the 12 Step Programs talk about this.

I am at peace.

My girls have two mothers. One of them is responsive and has come full circle. The other has been unresponsive and has left my daughter wondering why she has not even sent a medical history for her two daughters.

The one in reunion now also has six half siblings, complete with something I had always dreamt about having, OLDER BROTHERS.

So, again, keep your hatred and animosity and pejorative statements in your own circle of poison, because it is not welcome here. Note that there is no 'please' involved in that statement.

To the Adoption Triad Community. I will continue to fight for Open Records, and my adult adoptee friends to have access to updated MEDICAL HISTORIES and to their roots for as long as I am breathing. And then, from Heaven when He lets me in.

To my many friends who are Birthmothers, Birthfathers, Birth Siblings and Extended families, Adoptees, and other Adoptive Mothers, Fathers, Sibs, Extended Families... You are welcome in my Life anytime. And I will stand with you, forever.

One of the little books from Hazelden is called "Stools and Bottles". They describe the first Four Steps of the Program as a three legged Stool. Remove ONE LEG from that stool, and it is no longer stable, no longer of any use. It will fall.

Trying to pretend that the Adoptive Mother/Father/Family is not real, and is not involved in a healthy way as part of the Adoption Triad by removing that 'leg' will not heal anything.


Related Tags: Adoption, Anti-Adoption, Adoption Triad, Open Records, Rights, Three Legged Stool