National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month.

It is a time for many to reflect on what adoption is and what it means to the Adoption Triad--Adoptive Parents, Birth Parents and Adoptee.

Each aspect of that triangle is important, for if there were no Birth Parent, there could be no Adoptive Parent, and both love the child that is involved. Many have no idea what adoption is, really. (They think they do, however.... for some, it is a way for the adoptive mother to 'relax' and finally you will get pregnant! I can't tell you how often I have heard THAT one after we worked so hard to bring home our daughters, and equally hard with a new fertility specialist in order to finally conceive our son! )

Comments like "You are finally having one of your own!" meant well, but have very sad implications to both the adoptive parent and to the adoptee who hears this kind of comment. My daughter was about six when I was pregnant and we were shopping in the local Shopko. We ran into an acquaintance who noticed that I was pregnant, and made that comment in front of my girls. We were on our way out of the store, and when we were all in the car, all safely buckled in, my oldest began to cry and asked me if that lady had meant that 'we' (she and her sister) were NOT our own....and my heart broke as I explained to her what was really meant.

I then began a very slight 'educational' movement of my own. When comments like that are made today, a simple response is made... They are all my own, but they came into the family in different ways. I love each child tremendously, equally, but just a little differently because they are different from each other, with different gifts and interests. I am proud of each of them, and would not be without any of them. I think any mother of more than one child can relate to that statement, to that sentiment, to those feelings, including mothers of large families.

There is another aspect to not understanding what adoption is, and that is among some people who advocate abortion. I have been told some of the terrible things that women are told, including that we adoptive parents abuse our children, and hence, adoption should never be considered ... but abortion should be?

The vast number of adoptive parents are NOT abusers, any more than the vast majority of birth families are abusive.

In discussions with some younger abortion advocates, over the years, I have been shocked not once, but on two separate occasions by one very similar statement that blew me away completely! I could not believe it the FIRST time I heard it, much less to think that there were TWO young ladies out there who had such similar thoughts, and it grieved me immensely both times. The comment was made after I had quietly said that Adoption is an option most forget about, and though it was not shouted, it surely felt as though it had been to me.

"I would rather my kid be dead than adopt it out and never know where it was!"

The first time I heard it, all I could think of to say is... "Did you actually hear what you just said?" The second, and much more recent time, I had an answer that came directly from the lives of my children and me.

My oldest daughter has found her birthmother and birthfather not so very long ago. She not only told them where she is and what she has been doing, but she was able to hug them and tell them both 'Thank you for giving me life'.....my second daughter has written the same to her birthmother, and sent pictures of her birth grandchildren to her......if you would do as you have just said, your child will never be able to do that."

Nor would you have had me hug you and cry with you as we BOTH said... "Thank you!" to each other.

God bless!


(more on this subject to follow)