Adam Sandler "50 First Dates"

Tonight, I watched a movie that was very different than I had expected it to be. I truly had no idea that it would actually be worth my time when it started, and was ready to turn it off, but something held me from doing so.

Adam Sandler isn't my first choice of a movie star, and Drew Barrymore isn't either. Sometimes I think I may be a real 'prude' as my kids can attest to, but I prefer Braveheart and other Mel Gibson movies, or older ones like Miracle of 24th Street.

But tonight I watched 50 First Dates, a movie about a woman with short term memory loss and a man who grows up while trying to help her fall in love with him every day. At the end, after much repetition, they learn that while she cannot remember him, she also cannot forget him.

I looked up at the screen at the very end, and read a dedication to his father, Stanley Sandler, which I only wish I could remember. He called his father his hero, his mentor, his Mom's best friend...

The movie had a personal side to it, because it was about loving someone with a short term memory loss that will not improve, and helping that person to remember life as it is, not as it was at one point over and over. It was about accepting the person for where they are, and helping them to go on. In the beginning of the movie, Dad and brother were doing everything in their power to keep life as it was on the day that the accident which caused the injury took place, including buying MANY newspapers of the day it happened, and repainting walls on a daily basis. They were 'protecting' her (Lucy), in their eyes, but they were also hindering her, and as she said.... lying to her on a daily basis.

Adam Sandler begins by trying to 'pick her up'...and ends up loving Lucy, but not buying into the game that Dad and brother have been playing.

Short term memory loss can be painful to watch. With dementia, it won't improve either. On the contrary, it will only get worse. I am watching this happen with Mom, and it is painful. But WE have had a few laughs about it, and just as Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore shared a 'first kiss' many times in the movie, we have been able to have the same joke several times.

Mom has a 'new way' to avoid things she doesn't want to do...she suddenly has a stomach ache, or 'doesn't feel good'. She can be sitting there working on a crossword puzzle, and we mention going someplace---yup, you guessed it...

Or, mention taking a shower.... she first tells us that she can do it, and if that doesn't work... yup, you guessed it....

Yesterday, she told another sister that she wanted to go to Mass. That sister called me, as she is no longer Catholic and had plans at her own church. My son then called and asked if I'd like to go to 8:00 PM Mass tonight. What a neat solution to the last minute shopping I had to do, and the conflicting times of the other available Masses today!

So I called Mom, who could no longer remember that she'd wanted to go to Mass, and just wasn't sure.... call me later... we'll see how I am feeling.....

Shopping, home... call Mom. "I'm home, and I can come get you in an hour for Mass'... her response? "Oh, I just don't know... "

Not one to give up, and knowing she probably won't remember, I call her fifteen minutes later and tell her that I'll be there in about a half hour to pick her up for Mass, "get dressed, get prettied up, and we'll go.."

She laughed... oh, we'll see... ok...

I pulled in promptly, and entered the house to see her not dressed, and thrilled to see me. 'HI, where have YOU been?" I laughed, reminded her that I'd already called her about three times, and commented on the fact that she wasn't dressed for Mass........

Meltdown. I cannot tell you how fast she went from grinning to ... pitiful. OOHHH, she hurt, she didn't feel good... she just was too tired to get dressed... etc. And she looked the part.

When I point this out to her, we both laugh, because it has become her standard avoidance mannerism. I told her I'll try to find an Oscar for her. Mom has never learned how to just say No...

Once she realized that I wasn't going to push her into going, she miraculously recovered (as she has in the past..lol).

She laughingly told me, as I was leaving, that she won't do anything I wouldn't do... sometimes I wonder...

The movie reminded me that even with short term memory loss-- the person is still able to love and be loved. Sadly, Mom's loss will not get better, either, and videos/notes/phone calls/ pictures won't always help as the dementia progresses. Just as in the fictitious movie, we have to meet her where she is today, remind her as often as she needs to be reminded, and love her right where she is.

God bless!